My Niceness Is Not to Your Advantage

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About the Author

Let us introduce, Ally Stegman!

As an aspiring magazine writer, I’m a city girl writing her way through the alleys of life that they take me. I’m in my third year at Columbia College Chicago where I study fashion business and magazine journalism. I’m continuously learning and getting inspired from my experiences and I love sharing them through the words that I write.

My Niceness Is Not to Your Advantage

My niceness is not to your advantage, and I’ll say it louder for the people in the back (of my mind) who think it is.

Join me in this new year to hold control of your niceness and not let anyone or anything use it to their disposal. It takes time to realize the warning signs throughout life and it takes even longer to be at peace not being the person your peers continuously title the “nice one.” But once you come to terms with it, you’ll be unstoppable in all aspects that make you flourish.

Growing up a perfectionist, I was always trying to please everyone. I wanted them to rely on me for anything because if they could count on me, then I felt worthy enough.

This caught up to me very quickly when I became a young adult and had to deal with more serious responsibilities, relationships and experiences. I had to teach myself the line between being nice and being too nice, a very fine one that is.

Being nice comes with the basic fundamentals of being the success-hungry young women that we are. It gets you promotions by connecting with those you serve at your job, it forms you friendships that are based around being kind to each other and it gives you a significant other who appreciates the love you have to offer. Each of these concepts can spiral downhill right in front of your eyes if you’re not careful with the balance between how much effort you’re putting forth and how much you’re getting in return.

Once you’ve made your personality vulnerable, the ‘too nice’ card comes into play. If you’re like me, you continue to go above and beyond in every section of your life. The people you interact with easily notice this, even if you don’t. They will then ask for and expect even more.

All that hard work you’re putting in at your job? If not already, your task list will add up to way more than your pay grade allows. Speak up for what you deserve because if you know it, the person in charge knows it and they’re most likely waiting to see how long you will last at the minimum cost.

Those friends you never start an argument with because you’re scared of causing tension? They’ll realize the 24/7 smile on your face and occasionally leave you out of things because they simply think nothing can upset you. But in fact, you have as many feelings as anyone else, you’re just better at hiding them. Don’t let their lack of effort go unnoticed and hold them accountable for it.

The person you’re romantically interested in but just not reaching the next level you want to? They know you’ll stick around through the bad and the worst ways they treat you. You always want to be there for them because it’s in your heart to care for someone you’ve spent quality time with. As you continue to be convenient for them, their terms will take priority. It ruins your mindset of a healthy relationship and belittles the judgement you have for yourself. Try to recognize this behavior early on so you can learn the importance of your individual worth which doesn’t involve anyone but your yourself.

I’ve already started making these changes this year and have noticed a great impact. I’m been more confident knowing I’m not wasting my energy on someone or something not appreciative of it, and I’ve even seen a change in people prioritizing my happiness after communicating the doubts I had.

The start of 2020 is a great time to reflect on the measures of niceness you’re providing to others. If you have even the slightest concern, take a step back to evaluate the situation and determine if the other person’s actions are worthy of your consideration.

Here’s to all the women this year and forward who refuse to put the “too” in “too nice.”

“Strong women don’t have attitudes, they have standards.”

You can learn more about Ally and checkout her blog here. You can also follow Ally’s instagram.

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